| |
|
| |
| Dwelling on an emotionally distressing event will make you behave negatively. But feelings can be ch ... - Pradeep K Chadha |
| |
| There are many pieces of information out there that we take as fact that just aren't. I call these B ... - Jeff Herring |
| |
|
|
| A stress-free lifestyle could very well do wonders in eliminating depression.Here are 7 practical me ... - Rene Graeber |
| |
|
Almost every time I talk with someone lately, they tell me how tired they are. It seems as though ma ... - Wendi Moore-Buysse |
| |
|
Many people today mistakenly believe that stress is something that happens to them. They believe it ... - Peter Fisher |
| |
|
Vipassana Meditation changed my life and cured me from anxiety and stress. - Margret |
| |
|
| |
|
|
IMPORTANTPublication and Reprint Terms
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Please ask permission if you want to publish this article in print.
Commercial use of this article is not allowed, nor are you allowed to post or reprint this article in any sites or publications that contain or support hate, violence, porn, or on any sites or publications that are indecent or illegal. Do no use this article in UCE (Unsolicited Commercial Email) or SPAM. This article must be distributed in opt-in email only.
Title: Self-Judgment Versus Self-Compassion
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: ? 2005 by Margaret Paul
URL: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 635
Category: Self Improvement
Self-Judgment Versus Self-Compassion
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
We hear a lot about how important it is to be compassionate toward others, and it is very important. The problem is that you may not be able to really feel compassion toward others until you are able to feel compassionate toward yourself.
In the 37 years that I've been doing counseling, I've discovered that the most common underlying cause of anxiety, depression, addictive behavior and relationship problems is self-judgment. The most prevalent self-judgment is:
'I'm not good enough.'
There are many variations to this core shame belief:
'I'm not lovable.'
'I'm unworthy.'
'I'm flawed.'
'I'm not important.'
'I'm bad.'
'I'm a failure.'
'I'm stupid.'
'I'm not okay.'
'I'm not enough.'
However you phrase it, it is saying the same thing. It is a profound judgment against who you really are. And it is the opposite of self-compassion.
The moment we judge ourselves, we are telling ourselves that we have no good reasons for our feelings and behaviorthat we are just not good enough. Yet our feelings and behavior always come from our belief system. When we are feeling badly and behaving in unloving ways toward ourselves and others, it is always because we are operating from false beliefs about ourselves and others.
If, instead of judging ourselves for our feelings and behavior, we were to move into compassion for ourselves, we would open the door to learning about the beliefs that are causing our pain.
What is your first response when someone blames you for something? Do you judge yourself or judge the other person, or both? What happens when you judge yourself or the other person? The chances are that the interaction is not a healthy one.
What would happen if, when someone blames you for something, you opened to compassion for your feelings of being blamed?
Let's take an example of how different an interaction would be with self-compassion rather than self-judgment. In the following interaction, John attacks Mary for being over-drawn in their checking account. In the first example, Mary goes into self-judgment. In the second example, Mary goes into self-compassion.
John: Mary, we are overdrawn in our account again because you forgot to enter some of the checks. What is the matter with you? Are you stupid?
Mary: (thinks to herself, 'I'm stupid. I can never do anything right.' Then she defends herself and attacks John). I just forgot. What's the big deal? I've been too busy taking care of your stuff. If you would do more around the house, I wouldn't forget things like that.
John and Mary end up in a fight.
John: Mary, we are overdrawn in our account again because you forgot to enter some of the checks. What is the matter with you? Are you stupid?
Mary: (Mary tunes into how badly it feels to be attacked by John. She has compassion for her own feelings of sadness and loneliness at being attacked by someone whose love is important to her). John, this feels awful inside. My stomach hurts when you attack me like this. I'm willing to talk with you about the checkbook, but not when you are attacking me. Please let me know when you are ready to talk with me about this without blaming me.
Because Mary moved into compassion for her own feelings, she was able to respond to John in a way that was loving to herself and to him.
Moving out of self-judgment and into self-compassion takes much practice. Most of us have been practicing self-judgment for so long that it has become our automatic way of being. It takes much consciousness to move into self-compassion, but with practice you can move out of your automatic judgmental thought and into a conscious compassionate thought.
This one change in your thinking will create huge positive changes in your life! |
| Author: 123456789 |
| |
Author Bio:
123456789 is an expert on this subject. 123456789 has written several articles in the past on this topic. |
|
 |
|
| |
Related Articles |
| |
Protect Your Self-Care When Others Tempt You To Stray
|
| |
How to Keep Stress Out of the Car
|
| |
4 Tips to Take the Stress Out of Looking for a Job
|
| |
Day Spas in Houston
|
| |
Maintain Focus to Achieve Real Success!
|
| |
Skipped Beats - Anxiety & Panic
|
| |
The Three R's: Remembering the Best, Restoring Yourself and Rapture - Part 3
|
| |
Good Stress And Bad Stress
|
| |
Understand Work Stress Burnout And Take Control Today
|
| |
Debugging the Core Dump
|
| |
|
|
|
|
Home Page
